SLEEP HELP PLEASE

You guys, I'm so desperate. Like shootmeintheface desperate.

I need sleep.

&

I need advice.

For three weeks now Reef has been waking up every hour and a half to two hours to nurse at night...let me repeat...EVERY HOUR AND A HALF TO TWO HOURS... I'm going insane. And it is full on nursing not just nibble, resettle, and pass back out. If he doesnt get the boob fast enough he totally flips out and nurses with such a vigorous hunger you'd think I never feed him.

He used to sleep for about four to six hours before nursing. I dont know what happened.

I've been reading everything I can get my hands on. Apparently many high needs babies just have a need to nurse more at night (thanks, universe).

And, when he nurses his eyes dont even open. Yep, he's half asleep just gettin some grub.

Soooo...if you have advice please please please leave it in a comment below or email me at joyceufollis@gmail.com.

Oh and just so we're all on the same page, there's nothing medically wrong, he's healthy as can be according to his doctor. He plays hard all day long and eats and nurses constantly.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, I sincerely appreciate it.

Xo,

J

This is seriously what he looks like at 6am, bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Reef has le flu

It's finally happened. Reef got the flu.

I feel terrible in a million different ways. I mean, honestly, I should be able to punch a germ in the face so it can't touch Reef. Now that is a super power worth having.

It just reminds me that I can't be too careful...ever.

My doctor has utterly scared the beegeezuz out of me on how bad it could get so I'm sure I won't be sleeping until he's better.

As you can see from the photo below, this kid is miserable. I expected him to be much more fussy and demanding due to him being high needs but he's just gotten more needy in the area of being held...and who doesn't want to be held when they're sick?!

Xo
J

Top Reasons Why High Needs Babies ROCK.

So, I haven't been the most positive person in the world about having a High Needs Baby...I have my moments and way too many of them. I know, I know. I realized I post a lot about the negatives and that I whine a lot. me? Whiney?! NEVER. hahaha.

Having a baby is hard enough, having a high needs baby is a whole world I just wasn't prepared for. Well, after six months I'm getting more and more settled into Reef's unique personality. I thought I would share some perks of having a high needs baby. By the way, this is not meant to be offensive to anyone with a superduper awesome baby who does things like sleep and play by themselves (oh , the dream). It's just me trying to survive and stay positive when I haven't slept in a week.

Soooooo...

**You get extremely creative REALLY fast as a parent to a High Needs baby. Everyday is a new mystery to what will calm and please Reef. I had no idea I could bounce, rock, pat, and make my arms do a vibrate motion while doing dishes..oh yea, and holding Reef.

**You get to buy new accessories...Baby wearing ones that is! Slings, Wraps, Baby Bjorns..you name it, we've used it...an excuse to buy fun things I get to wear is always lovely.

**You're never EVER bored. The high needs baby keeps you constantly entertained and engaged 24/7. Seriously, Reef never stops moving and playing.

**You learn to Share...everything. I've always thought I was good at sharing until I had Reef, then I reached a whole new level. Oh, you wanted to shower alone?? Fat chance. "Me time" means "Reef time". Sleep? With Reef pushing me out of bed, not going to lie...he pays me back in cuddles. You wanted to eat in quiet? More like let Reef screams with Joy at trying to pull the fork out of my mouth. So, yea...I'm good at sharing now.

**You become a total Go With The Flow/ Living In The Present Moment kind of person. I strived for 23 years to be someone who lives completely in the Present Moment but constantly failed. Well, with Reef there is no other option. The second I make plans I make sure Im not attached to those plans because I never know if Reef is just going to screeeeeaaaaaam all day or be completely displeased with me. Now I live moment to moment with him...bounce to bounce as I like to say.. (oh wow, did i really just say that).

**You never ever give up because when you've hit that point and you have nothing left to give The High Needs baby will pull it out of you because THEY never give up. Reef just won't stop until whatever he NEEDS is met. This NEED is usually some sort of mental and physical stimulation. So, as soon as I think 'I give up, I can't effing to do this'  he screams at me until I figure out all he needed was to wrestle (by the way, our wrestling is rolling around on the bed and me kissing his face).

**You become strong. Literally. I rarely sit and am constantly moving, my legs are getting tone and I can probably lift things my husband can't. It also strengthens you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You reach new levels everyday...like a video game... kind of.

**You save money. On toys that is. This may not be the case for all parents with High Needs babies but it is with Reef. He would rather play with me then any toy I put in front of him and once he's "figured" the toy out, he's OVER it.

**You become the most patient person on earth. Okay, not realy but you do learn an EXTREME amount of patience.

**Personality. You get to learn your baby's personality REALLY early in life...like out of the womb early..and to me, that is really really freaking cool.

**I'm using my college education!!! Okay, well some of it. I took mostly theater, dance, and drama therapy courses in college (i never, ahem, graduated...) anywho...I dance more now then EVER before. Those early mornings in a freezing dance studio in the dead of winter have completely paid off!

There you have it folks, Top Reasons Why High Needs Babies ROCK. If you have other reasons leave them in the comments below! Orrrrr if you have reasons why YOUR baby rocks leave those in the comments below too!!!

Happy Sunday

Xo

J

ps more 14 daysof love posts to come...reef has been well...unique  the last few days so my posting had to be put on hold.

Hello high neediness + Small insanity update

Ah yes, my son is high needs. I almost forgot. Things have been so good, almost normal. Until yesterday when those crazy baby nightmares came back. I still have NO clue what they really are but its on my "make sure you dont leave the doctors office until you ask her about this" list.

The teething is back FULL FORCE, Reef's going through a growth spurt both physically and mentally, he started eating avocados (i will post those pictures soon, I swear), and I havent slept in two days. Sigh. I know, im whining.

But what about the asylum?! And all your healtht eating?! And swim team?!

If Reef will nap alone I can get at least an asylum workout in. The last few really good days he had I did doubles. Asylum then swim practice. I obviously must have lost my mind those days or became possessed. Either way, I did it.

Now, on days like today. The days where I give 210% of myself to Reef. I eat whatever I can grab with one hand and I snuck in 10 minutes of yoga before more screaming began.

I do feel like im getting fit though (thank god) but its WAY harder with this weird post-baby body I've got goin on.

How is everyone doing with their workout & healthy eating?!

Xo
J

Pajama Monday: Parenting a high needs baby vol. 5

Today is Pajama Monday. At least that's what I'm calling it. Reef is extremely needy today. If I'm gone for more than a few minutes while he naps he freaks out. This isn't new. It used to be like this 24/7, this used to be our normal nap routine. Now, it happens about once or twice a week. Huge step for us.

BUT I still have a tinsie bit of an issue adjusting...mostly because I had my entire day planned in my head and it involved healthy meal prep and starting...INSANITY: THE ASYLUM. I mean just look at the box!

So, instead I snuggle with Reef and read lovely blogs and baby sites. I made the mistake of browsing different (unnamed) baby info websites to see what the five month milestones are and to also read up on high needs babies and nightmares, well nightmares in general really. Now...and here comes a rant... I found A LOT of info on "CIO or Crying It Out". I get infuriated over this method. I'm not a believer in it AT ALL. Sorry if you are and I've offended you. I don't even like the whole 'wait one minute then go in and comfort them, if they cry when you walk out then wait two minutes etc'. There is scientific evidence that proves this method causes ANXIETY in babies. This method was developed a long time ago. Back when formula was thought to be better than the boob. We learn and we grow. But, for some reason, we haven't grown out of Cry It Out.

I guess I'm extra sensitive over the issue because there have been SO many people suggesting that to me for Reef. I'm usually never snotty but I tend to retort "there's scientific proof that crying it out is bad for his brain but thanks for the advice". Gah, I know, mean mommy. I've learned not to talk to most people about Reefs needs and our attachment parenting style. It's what works for us and maybe that's what worked for them. Le sigh. If you've gotten this far, I thank you for reading.

Xo
J

Nightmares on lake drive

How is it possible for such a small sweet little human being to have such horrifying images flying through their brain at night. Reef had another episode of night terrors (or nightmares...im still researching the difference and what exactly this could be) early this evening and its heart wrenching. He screams and cries and it usually takes a good 30 seconds to wake him up..sometimes I run outside into the cool night air to wake him up and get his attention.

After doing some quick research its hard to say what the hell is going on. It's not night terrors because Im able to wake him but it's not nightmares because hes too young to form dreamy images...hmmm okay. Whatever it is, it is terrifying the bageezies out of him and me...seriously. Now, he won't sleep without being cuddled. He bolts awake if there's no skin to skin action going on. This is a BIG step back, I finally got him sleeping in the cosleeper crib two weeks ago. Bummers.

My husband is one of those sleepers who has full on conversations with you and has no clue that he did the next morning (mind you these convos are usually about something so weird and random I just agree with him untill he stops dream talking). I mean one night when I was pregnant he rapped out loud in a made up language while sleeping, woke up the next morning and had no idea what I was talknig about- HILLARIOUS. He sleeps really really hard. I sleep light. I hear EVERYTHING. I always have. I think Reef may be taking after Zach in the sleep department.


Anyone have this going on with their lil babes? If you know anything I would love to hear from you or your mom or whoever.



Xo

J

Baby envy...or not

So. For a while I was feeling completely cheated. My son (in all his glorious high needs craziness) cried(s) a lot, needs constant attention, constant stimulation, constant touch, and still has trouble napping without being held or cuddled. I barely get things done now that he's pretty much over being in his sling and ME time doesn't exist. We're attached constantly. Moving around constantly.

BUT

Honestly, how awesome is it that I get to hang out and play 24/7. Christmas Night I finally just LET GO. So maybe things aren't as tidy and maybe my hair is extra oily and,yes, my son is the one screaming bloody murder in the grocery line but i really need this toilet paper im buying...I'm getting precious time with the raddest lil dude ever and that right there is priceless. If it takes me rolling all over the bed with Reef while singing made up songs about his binky to make him giggle and not cry, I'll do it.

It's amazing. No one has ever been able to get me to just play and hang out...Zach was the first person to EVER get me to play video games (I always thought they were a waste of time that could be spent actually doing things)...I have to always be doing something productive. Yet Reef, in his persistent padowan wisdom, kept screaming until I just stopped and played.

Now, I'm happier than I've ever been, I'm living completely in the moment, and I've never felt so alive.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your week!

Xo
J

Ps my lovely in-laws have a hot tub that we utilize daily. Reef is obviously the next MP (yes that stands for Michael Phelps) :)

High-Need Baby, Yes...there is such a thing

I was in complete tears this morning...I mean WHOA.

A friend gave me her copy of The Fussy Baby Book by Dr. Sears (how i love him & his wife). She never realy used it since she had such angelic easy lil babes. I finally cracked it open this morning and OMG YOU GUYS THAT RIGHT THERE IS MY SON!

I have been completely befuddled, exhausted, and frustrated. I had to stop reading baby development books, I had to stop all of my emails that send baby updates, and I had to stop listening to well, everyone. Even my dearest friends who are great parents had no idea what to say to me. You see...this crazy baby I have hated being swaddled, he rarely napped as a newborn, he hates anything restrictive (including clothes), has been hyper alert since birth, hates to be set down, refuses to play with anything that isn't myself or my husband, wants what he needs RIGHT when he needs it, hates sleeping in his crib, and has wanted to stand since he was four weeks old more than anything else in the world.

Now, after all the reading and talking to doctors and friends and nurses and parents and grandparents- THIS. IS. NOT. NORMAL. Oh, awesome...just what every new young mommy wants to hear. Whatever. I went with it. I did what I thought Reef needed and of course thought I was doing everything wrong. When he was three months old I finally told Zach, "I can't do it, I need sleep. I'm putting him in the bed with us" and, oh holy shit, if that didn't get me a whole slew of advice I didn't ask for. People are really good at, accidentally, making you feel like a terrible parent but hey...when your baby won't sleep for longer than an hour at a time and you're THAT tired, you'll do anything..right?!

Well, Dr. Sears and his lovely wife had a High-Need daughter and wrote a book about their journey with her and other high-need babies they've worked with and well, it's my new Bible (sorry God). After reading the first two chapters I had a whole new confidence and outlook on life. Guess what, I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING WRONG (i know right?!). I was actually...wait for it...doing it RIGHT..I should say WE since my husband is right there with me every tired step of the way.

It's called Attachment-Parenting. See, Reef NEEDS to be held, he NEEDS to be cuddled at night, he NEEDS the constant physical interaction...NEEDS NEEDS NEEDS...Now, I had way too many people tell me "youre spoiling him" or "he really shouldnt be sleeping with you, you could smother him you know" and (my favorite) "have you tried patting him and shushing him when he wakes in the middle of the night, it puts my daughter right back to sleep"...I feel so at ease now, so relieved. I hadn't met anyone else with a baby like Reef and was starting to worry that there was something seriously wrong.

Does anyone else have a High-Need Baby/Toddler/Child/Teen? If you do or have experienced one I would absolutely love to hear your wisdom.

XO
J



Dear Jonny Jump Up thank you for entertaing Reef for 5 minutes at a time so I can sip my coffee and not pour it down my throat.