Balls.

Have you ever lived with boys?

....

If you have, have you ever gone to wash your face in the bathroom at 5am reached around the sink for the clean hand towel you know you put there the night before, wipe your face with it and half way through wiping realize that some nasty dude has totally used it on his balls?

I have. A few too many times. So, as a kind reminder to my husband (I really hope his brother doesn't do it too but I haven't wanted to ask since I put those putrid towels all over my clean face) I made these signs.

Happy Wednesday.
Xo
J

T.M.I

Let's step back to Sunday for a moment...

I was desperate for a shower and reef was covered in puke. My mother-in-law offered to watch him for a bit so I could get a few things done (as of now we're living with my in-laws while renovating a studio type deal). Watch out! I was not going to let this opportunity slip by.

Soooo I figured I would shower Reef with me (I do this way too much when I'm home alone & he's inconsolable) then hand him off to gramma.

I asked if she would come with me and hand him to me once I got in since, let's face it, that's way easier then doing it by myself. I also asked if I could then hand him back to her once he was squeaky clean so I could actually shave my legs.

Now, I didn't realize I hadn't asked her if this would make her uncomfortable until her, Reef, and I were crammed in the bathroom with the shower running as I quickly undressed... The time had passed for me to give her a chance to opt out ot laugh off the awkward so I said nothing, got in, took reef from her, and then proceeded to chitchat with her. It was maybe 3 minutes then i handed the baby back and she left.

While I finished my much needed leg shaving I thought 'hmmmm too much?am I being THAT girl right now??' I totally was. Then I realized 'ohmygod I'm acting like my mom'.....I guess after giving birth in front of an entire class of nurses, my mom, my dad, my husband, my sister, and my aunt I lost all sense of shame. But, even if all of those people hadn't been watching me push Reef out, my college roommate could probably tell you that I would have done it anyways.

Some things never change. I'll always be THAT girl.

Xo
J

Letters to Santa

Dear Santa,

What I want for Christmas is cheap, unless you want to get me a ticket home then that's $1,000 and for a man who only works once a year I think that's out of your price range. All I'm asking for (more like begging for) is one day where I can just lay in bed and do absolutely nothing. All. By. My. Self. No baby, no husband, no in-laws, no phone calls, just lil me.

Considering I do everything for everyone else I don't see this as a selfish request.

Love,

A tired mommy trying to regain her sanity.

RIP Kainoa

A year ago today I fell on the floor in my hallway, tears streaming down my face, and clutching my stomach that housed a pea sized Reef. It was 5am and raining, raining hard. It never rains in Ewa Beach.

A week after I found out I was pregnant you died. Just like that.

And then right after you were gone you gave three people what they had been begging God for. You gave them life four days before Christmas. Wow.

There were three days of nonstop celebration in honor of your life. All of Kona was there. Everyone cried, partied, and cried some more. I wish I could've been at the parties.

I didn't get to see your family until ten months later, yes, that was too long. By this time I had my son and he was two months old but your mother's sorrow was still eating her. I could see you missing from her soul and it tore me apart. Her strength was so admirable, when she held Reef I cried and hoped she didn't see. She's my hero.

My father gave Reef his middle name, Kaikoa. Yes, Warrior of The Ocean, I don't think there's a better name then that for him. I ask you, ever so humbly, to watch over him Kainoa and give me strength like that of your mother's to love him and help him grow.

We miss you and know you're still there, in all of Kona town wrapping your arms around those you love.

Xo
J

Broke-ass Christmas

This year we. Are. Broke. Well, not so broke that we couldn't buy gifts but we're on a serious budget. NOTE if anyone is getting out of the military soon PLAN AHEAD we got by just fine but took a huge income hit, especially since I just had given birth to Reef and wasn't working when we left the Army.

Now, I don't care about being broke. I grew up poor. We never had big Christmases but it didn't matter. Christmas is about family and community, pure and simple. There were many Christmases without a tree and small gifts but I don't remember ever "feeling" broke or let down. I remember going to Christmas Eve Mass and singing all the songs I love, driving around different neighborhoods and being wowed by the light shows, taking gifts my mother collected from the community to people much poorer than us and I'll never forget the parents faces and the hugs we shared- this is what Christmas means to me, it's completely magical. Love and giving. I hope to instill these values in my son.

This year will be quite a change.

We've started a new adventure in Texas and are living with my in-laws who, I'm sooooo lucky to say, are amazing and we get along fabulously. They're big on Christmas....like, they buy huge gifts HUGE. I'm not complaining, I enjoy nice things and being pampered but my husband is stressing about not getting people expensive gifts. He's such a Taurus. I repeat to him that it's the thoughtfulness of the gifts, it's the hug that it's delivered with that matters...not the price.

Maybe I don't care enough, who knows.

All I know is I have my family, I was able to use miles to fly my sister home to my parents, and I've got cocoa in the pantry.

Xo
J

Focusing on the Good.

Do you ever get so tired that the littlest thing sets you off?

I've been like this the last few days and really need an attitude change. I mean...i got absolutely livid with Zach for eating pretzels in bed...like whoa, I'm going to kill you!

I'm reeling myself back in.

I've been so focused on being tired that I've been dwelling on the negative and thats a dark road I don't like going down.

Soooo I'm shaping up, taking a much needed HOT shower while Reef naps and focusing on everything beautiful in my life.

Xo
J

One of them days...

This photo speaks for me today. Yay for teething...